I have a story to share with you today. I hope you laugh with me and relax for a few moments.
Do you have test anxiety? Does the prospect of taking a test shoot adrenalin through your veins or cause heart palpitations? I have no idea why this is such an issue for me- it got so bad in college, I asked professors if I could take tests on the floor outside of classrooms. (It helped that I was a psych major- I was met with lots of compassion!). Yesterday, I was catapulted back to my 20's of terror.
In order for me to achieve a personal goal of having more letters after my name, I had to pass the Board Coaching Certification Examination (BCCE).
(The BCCE exam simply certifies me to be a part of a bigger group of coaches that all abide by the same set of ethics and "rules. I knew I needed to pass it as a personal goal and to receive certifications in other areas. It also lets you feel confidant I know my stuff- the extra letters are just to stroke my ego. Again, teasing.)
In May, I took the Board Coaching Certification Exam (BCCE) and failed. It was quite a blow to my courage. I thought I knew the answers and even went back and changed a few to what I thought would be more correct answers. I had to wait 4 months to retake it. And guess what? Yesterday was the day.
Here is how my day went:
5:00am Got up. Told myself: “you got this!” (positive affirmations!)
5:30am-7:30 Studied. (2 cups of coffee)
7:30am Realized that I did not have 2 forms of government issued ID’s required to take the test. My driver's license went MIA. (Began sweating profusely.)
7:31am Drove the exact speed limit to the BMV.
7:45- 8:45am Stood in line at BMV and got new ID.
9-10:30am Cared for kids, attempted to teach them the benefits of testing stress, and how adrenaline can help you focus… actually, I was just trying to distract from my hands that would NOT STOP SHAKING.
10:30am Left to drive to test location so I would arrive on time for my 11:45am test. (The drive was only 20 minutes but you can never be too early, right?)
10:50am Arrived. Heart attack is coming. I handed the registration people my ID - my hands still shook so badly I was sure they thought I was guilty of an unspoken crime.
11:20am The instructors requested I hand them my glasses so they could make sure I don't have a camera in them (yes, seriously).
11:25am ENTERED THE TEST ZONE. I requested headsets and earplugs so I wouldn’t be distracted when someone in the room moved or breathed. I could hear a frog fart at this point.
11:26am I tried to silently breathe like I've been taught to do when I'm stressed- breath in (1,2,3,4), breath out (1,2,3,4). Oh wait- I started seeing stars- I knew the heart attack was about to happen but then realized I was hyperventilating because deep breathing only works WITHOUT A MASK ON.
11:27am I tried a tapping method to do mini EMDR on myself (I've never done EMDR but I was desperate).
11:28am I gathered my courage and started!
(I won't bore you with my minute-by-minute dialogue of trying to keep myself from throwing up for the next 45 minutes.)
12:15pm I hit the "DONE" button. This test is kind of cool because you can get your results before you leave. But you have to have the courage to stand up and walk out of the room to get your results. My legs felt like rubber. I wondered if someone would have pity on me and find me a wheel chair if I sat there long enough…
12:22pm I got up, decided in my head if I failed again I would not cry… That would really fog up my glasses and make my stupid mask all wet and goopy…
12:24pm The proctor handed me my results, printed part facing down. Seriously, could this get any more dramatic?
12:25pm I slowly turned the paper over so I could see my results and at first only saw a blur of ink and then I saw it. Ever so tiny: congratulations. You have passed the BCCE.
ACK! I DID IT! I hadn’t planned for this result and I’ll be honest, I squeaked through, but dang, it’s a miracle I didn’t leave in an ambulance before I even finished the test!
My message for you today- God is good. Even in the worst, most stressful times in our lives, He comes through somewhere, sometime, somehow.
Have courage- if you need to chat, want to find motivation, vent or just need to laugh, you can always find me here: