Hurt people hurt people.
I’ve been hurt, the nearly destroyed type of hurt, and I don’t “hurt people”.
I was beaten by one of my x husbands. That hurt. I don't beat up men I see because I was hurt.
Doesn’t this statement exempt hurting people from accountability if they in turn hurt people?
I’m not discounting that people who have endured childhood abuse, may not have the tools to parent better.
I’m not debating that controlling negative emotions and triggers which may erupt when hurt people feel uncomfortable emotions, is hard.
And I’m not minimizing the struggle to become emotionally healthy after intense pain, has been placed on another person.
I am asserting, hurt people have a choice. Most of us don’t live in a bubble of isolation.
We have easy access to THOUSANDS of ways to internally heal- internet, google, phones, TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, books, podcasts, coaches, therapists, groups… the list is endless.
I see betrayed partners who have been deliberately hurt by their perceived beloved companions. These men (some women too) have intentionally hidden inappropriate behaviors from them, lied to cover their own shame, gaslit their partners… basically stripped down the person they claim to love and adore to a mangled, depleted woman in brutal pain.
These men, partners, betrayers, abusers, whatever label you want to give them have a choice: either help your partner survive by helping yourself
or
admit you are intentionally going to continue hurting your partner.
All of us have been hurt in our lives and have painful experiences to manage.
Some of us believe the pain we experienced was too excruciating to impart that pain on another person. We get help, embrace personal insights, and allow empathy to lead our hearts.
Some embrace their hurt and use it as entitlement to dump the same pain on others, regardless of the consequences to the other’s spirit.
It’s not very complicated. Hurt people know being hurt, hurts. What they do with their experience from the “hurt” is a choice.