The Power of April 13: A Journey Through Healing

April 13 is my wedding anniversary. It isn’t my marriage anymore, but the date still holds significance. My body remembers, regardless of how hard my mind tries to forget. Intentional forgetfulness clashes with somatic memories on April 13.

This anniversary is a piece of my story. It represents my journey toward becoming a more whole version of myself. I want to share a part of it with you. There are four powerful moments surrounding April 13 that mark clear pivots in my life.

Pivot 1: Friday, April 13, 2001

Standing on the beach that morning, my toes dug into the cool sand, I inhaled the salty air as sunlight gently illuminated the landscape. The light orange wings of dawn spread warmth before me, offering comforting support. The sky was clear except for a few wispy clouds, mimicking the flutters of my heart.

Oh, how I wanted this new life.

The number 13 was significant to him. He wore it proudly on a thick, gold chain around his neck. When we met, I asked about its meaning. He shared how it represented tradition and his Italian heritage. It wasn’t a “devil’s” charm but rather a fond family memory, passed down through generations.

Naturally, when we decided to marry, we chose the sunrise on April 13, 2001. It also happened to be Good Friday, and coincidentally, Friday the 13th. The symbolism was perfect. A new start for a new life, beginning with a new day, and intertwined with Christ’s fulfillment of prophecy. We also embraced his Italian heritage. God’s blessing, right?

He was my third husband. Admitting I couldn’t maintain two previous marriages was difficult. I felt as if I wore a scarlet “D” on my chest. The fact that he accepted me at the age of 30 felt miraculous. God brought me my knight in shining armor.

Pivot 2: April 13, 2017

Fast forward sixteen years.

My marriage fell apart at the end of 2016. I filed for divorce in January 2017. I spiraled into a depression filled with nightmares and haunting memories of my husband's egregious behaviors. Desperation, not introspection, drove me to seek help on April 13, 2017. I found myself in the office of a woman who would save me from my disintegrating marriage and soul.

After I hesitantly shared my story, she looked at me and said, “It makes perfect sense that you feel pulverized.” Her acceptance, understanding, and support wrapped around me like a warm embrace. She unleashed the courage I needed to begin the daunting task of stitching together the gaping wounds from another matrimonial disaster. I found validation.

Pivot 3: April 13, 2019

Eighteen years later.

I took a brave step and attended a conference alone. I didn’t know anyone, and I felt unsure of my identity. My eyes were hollow from countless courtroom hours. The stress caused sleepless nights, vaporizing any notion of strength I believed I possessed. I barely recognized myself. It felt like I was clawing through survival.

The conference’s final day fell on April 13, 2019—what would have been my 18th wedding anniversary. It concluded with a well-known Christian author specializing in relationships. Unfortunately, his words triggered me and felt blasphemous.

As he spoke, I felt increasingly uncomfortable and wanted to leave. However, I had positioned myself at the front, where every exit would inevitably draw attention. But my stomach was in knots. I knew his message was dead wrong. I couldn't endure listening to him any longer. Summoning every ounce of courage, I packed my backpack, stood up, and walked out, relieved when another woman joined me, followed by several more. Here we were—a room full of women united by shared experiences of betrayal. I had found my tribe. They listened and understood my pain. That day, I found courage.

Pivot 4: Friday, January 13, 2023

Fast forward twenty-two years.

This Friday the 13th symbolized my resilience. I completed 500 hours of Pilates on that day. I had started Pilates out of necessity. Therapy was too expensive, but I knew I had to preserve my body for my children. It wasn’t even about me!

In my first class, I contorted my body into various, often hilarious positions, all while thinking, “Thank God no one is watching!” After 500 mentally, physically, and soulfully challenging hours, I had transformed. I found power.

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The Importance of Acknowledging Accomplishments

It’s crucial to remember and honor our accomplishments: the moments we see ourselves pivot and take that next first step. Celebrate these first steps as you would a toddler’s first steps.

Taking that first step requires considerable effort. A toddler must:

• Balance on unsteady feet.

• Flail their arms for support.

• Focus on contracting their thighs.

• Lift one foot slightly.

• Cautiously shift weight back onto the other foot.

• Leverage their body weight forward as their first foot moves.

  
  

And through all of this, they must keep standing.

That’s an immense amount of work for ONE LITTLE STEP. First steps demand intentional focus. I want to celebrate that you take your first steps and learn to stand. Please allow yourself to celebrate them too.

For more information on healing through betrayal trauma, you can find us at www.coachinghope4u.com. If you are considering divorce after betrayal, please visit our dedicated space at www.notacasserolewidow.com.