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The Truth Series: Me and my Judge

Dear Judge, When we sat in court on August 23, 2022, you said, in 30-45 days, you would provide me a decision from my last hearing which was in May 2021. (Note: You can see the full court history here.) Today is day 53. I’m disappointed. I’m angry. I’m puzzled. In all the movies and the numerous times I’ve been in court, judges are introduced with the statement, “Please stand for the honorable Judge what’s his or her name.” I looked up the definition of honorable (adj): It is “used as a title indicating eminence or distinction, given especially to judges and certain high officials. Well, I’m wasn’t exactly sure what “eminence” meant, so I looked that up too. It is “an important, influential, or distinguished person. Judge, you are important and influential in determining consequences for behaviors contrary to law. I have a question for you, Judge. Do you consider it “honorable” to dishonor your own words or commitments? I’d surmise your answer to this question would be an incredulous, “No! And yet, you have not honored your commitment to me. I had hoped my situation would be settled promptly when I sat in your courtroom on August 23, 2022. (Which, by the way, again, was 53 days ago.) Everyone in the courtroom snickered when you joked about the copious documents delivered for you to review at your office last spring. The boxes you laughingly said were marked “heavy” had to appear a bit intimidating. Did you wonder what you had agreed to analyze? I chuckled along with everyone in the courtroom but for a different reason because there is nothing funny about how hard I worked to get someone to hear me. But, the absurdity I found painfully “funny” was this: I was staring at another judge begging her to please, please, understand what my children need and have their father obey court agreements and orders. To top it off, I had to pay (my attorney, court fees, loss of work hours) to have you enforce an order. That concept is ludicrous. But, I had no choice. My options were either guaranteed financial ruin or a meager hope of survival. While you giggle and chuckle at my expense and the expense of my children, here is what is real in my world:

  1. You are not behaving honorably. Judges, I believe, above all people, have a duty to honor their own commitments.

  2. This court system willingly and intentionally destroys women and children. There is no reason I should still be waiting for justice after 1 1/2 years.

  3. There are a lot of “me’s” in this world. My case is not the most horrific I have heard. However, I intend to use my case to shed light on the ineptitude of our family courts.

Honor is also defined as “adherence to what is right or to a conventional standard of conduct.” I don’t know what the “conventional standard of conduct” for me is in this situation. I suspect traditional behavior is to sit silently and wait because no one wants to upset the judge. I need you to understand: I will not be bullied or terrorized into silence. I am going to adhere to what is right. My children need to be protected.

It is not titles that honor men but men that honor titles. Niccolo Machiavelliource

I’ll look forward to hearing from you, Kim

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