UGH! The choices we have...
Why does it need to be so hard!! All I wanted was a clean house…
Ultimately, that’s kind of what all us ladies want- I mean there are plenty of other “things” but if we have a clean, tidy house, it kind of makes the world more endurable.
Waking up to a clean shower, trash taken out, fresh smelling floors, dust free shelves… (Do you think there is dust in heaven? I mean, really, why do you suppose God created dust? Guys never seem bothered by being able to write their name in the dust on a shelf in their rooms… Is it just to torment us women?)
Here’s my drama this week:
I have 4 kids; I have a dog; I have a busy home. My mom and dad graciously offered to pay a cleaning woman to help me out last week. Cleaning isn’t hard for me- it is just time consuming. She gave me the name of a young housekeeper, another mother, trying to keep her head above water and affordably priced, so I enthusiastically agreed.
I’ll call her Sarah. I texted her and we decided on a time for her to look at my house. My first impression of her was great. For our first meeting, she wanted to do a quick overview of my home so she would be prepared for the actual cleaning. She was punctual and behaved in a friendly manner.
The morning of Sarah’s arrival, I awoke with a smile on my face. It felt like Christmas morning! I couldn’t wait for the showers to be immaculate, all the floors to be vacuumed and mopped spic and span. I might have been humming the theme from Mary Poppins…
I did the “cleaning” to prepare for the ACTUAL cleaning. (You know- make sure all the toilets are flushed, put the lid on the toothpaste, make sure all the underwear is where it should be…) As a good mom, I threatened my children that if they didn’t pick their stuff up, they would be doing the deep dusting and vacuuming instead of our new helper.
Sarah arrived a bit early (responsible!), was cheerful and got right to it. She started in our basement and in about 30 minutes, I found her cleaning our upstairs bathroom. I commented to her that she was very speedy. (Red flag #1). She smiled at me and said, “yup.” I was impressed and discouraged at the same time. It usually takes me 45 minutes or more to really clean the basement. Hmmm. Maybe I just pay attention to too many details?
Fast forward- she finished my house in 2 hours while it usually takes me around 4 to do a GOOD job. She got in her car, pulled out of the driveway. Smiling the whole time.
Amazed at her speed, I began to review the house and noticed she hadn’t emptied any trashcans. Anywhere. Maybe I didn’t tell her? And she hadn’t dusted the kids’ rooms. I didn’t put that on the list but isn’t it common sense? She dusted the living room without it being on the list. She didn’t vacuum the family room. Really? No, she must have. Maybe I’m not seeing the vacuum cleaning lines. They must be there but, no.
By now, I’m beginning to get really annoyed and debated running after her in the street and doing something from Jim Carey movie like screaming my head off while chasing down her van.
But there was still a part of me that questioned my reality. I pulled the list I had given her out of the full trashcan. Unfortunately, there was nothing confusing on my list.
I think I was taken advantage of. More importantly, a gift that had been given to me by my mother was abused. Who does that? I was sure I was misinterpreting the cleanliness in the house. I was STILL questioning my reality. It was like I was gaslighting myself!
Even the wee bathroom on the main floor hadn’t been cleaned and there was a part of me that wanted to explain it away… “Well, she must have just missed it- it is kind of hidden.”
I had an internal battle with myself for the next 24 hours. Why was it impossible for me to accept I had been cheated? Why did my head work so hard to excuse inexcusable behaviors and why was I so uncomfortable communicating my displeasure with Sarah? She was completely in the wrong, had taken my mom’s money and had been deceitful in my home, my sacred space.
I did finally text her and let her know I was “kind of disappointed with some of the cleaning” and I did not think we would be needing her services again. I felt like a complete wimp… Even expressing that was a struggle.
SOOOO, here’s the lesson I believe I learned about myself. I’m hoping this will resonate with you. I was so eager to believe the good in people that I blinded myself to the uncomfortable truth staring me in the face.
I believe, satan abuses our hope in humanity. He is hoping we will turn a blind eye to evil so it can survive. He is hoping we will not believe our instinct or inner truth. He has an endless monologue he attempts to insert into our brains encouraging us to question our truth and reality.
To follow up with this concept, this week I was reading about a guy named Benaiah (2 Samuel 23:20) in the Bible who killed a lion in the snow with his bare hands. I’m thinking his internal dialogue went something like this: “HOLY CRAP! HOLY CRAP! HOLY CRAP! GOD HELP ME!!” While I’m sure satan’s dialogue was screaming, “RUN, YOU IDIOT! RUN!” And here’s the truth: I’m not sure anyone can out run a lion. You either have to face it and chance getting eaten or run and know you will die when the lion overtakes you.
It’s a good thing he listened to HIS dialogue (or gut instincts) and fought the lion. By putting lion killer on his resume, he got a job working for King David as his lead body guard and probably made some pretty good money!
If you are trying to go after that lion in your life, whether it is telling the cleaning lady she is terrible or claiming safety from an abusive husband, it’s a lion that you need to challenge. While terror, sheer terror, can immobilize us, that is not what is meant for you in your life.
That is not what God created you to be.
I want you to be stronger than you believe you are. I want you to be braver than you know you are.
You have choices.
Finally, today, I’m going to unabashedly plug the Choose Connection Summit which will begin this Thursday.
Choose to do something to enhance your future relationships or current relationships.
Choose to look at the impact pornography and infidelity is having on our families, our children, our friends… choose truth. This isn’t going away. I am certain every one of you reading this knows at least 1 person impacted by these issues.
Face this lion.
The Choose Connection Summit is free. Even if it isn’t a part of your life, the information presented can help you help someone else. Click here to register, get more information and see when I speak!
If you want to chat with me or see more of what I can offer, visit me here.